Inspired by a smile to love another day

Do you have a picture of the one person in all creation that makes you contemplate the deepest aspects of love every time you view it?  Not every romance is a one that seems to testify to the truth that everyone encounters that special someone that is the counterpart to their existence, the soul-mate for all time; yet when we do meet that one, it is an unquestionable truth that a mere smile and the world is worth the grind to live through just to experience the moment that smile is made.  That is the potency of Love at its best and the reality of destiny when reality doesn't appear to favor predetermined fates, just random encounters for the vast network of lonely seekers throughout time and space.  

Love waits...

Love waits....

I know this to be true.  When faced with the decision, do I push forward for the moment to happen now, or do I be still and know that Love is fashioning it's perfect work, the latter is the choice of one who's love is true. 

Is character important in Love?

Many lessons are available to the one who listens and learns from the instruction of Wisdom as Love weaves a song of truth and shares the story of two destined for a greater story than the tellers ever intended and we the hearers are allowed to glean that which such truth provides for our own guidance and direction so that we may use these tidbits of treasure to purchase for ourselves similar stories in hope that we too may find that romance is available and capable of becoming more than we ever thought we were able to provide. 

I've said these words in irritation, fits of rage, frustration, fear, fright, and pure folly, and in all the ways and years of saying this brief and un-poetic mantra of pathetic spite to the cosmos, I still find find it to be a lie, almost every single time. It is a personal trigger I've somehow developed that announces itself every time certain stimuli arise in my life and I give this "It doesn't matter; I don't care!" in response to whatever is racing through my head in that moment.  

I'm not sure what the trigger progression is exactly, it could be any combination of things such as working on the computer, thinking about a certain event or person, then a memory of a comment made to me or by me, and then out the mouth comes "It doesn't matter, I don't care!"  And I will go through the motions a few times each time muttering the same phrase and becoming more irritable while I repeat it and the more I repeat it the more irritated I continue to become...it is a vicious little virus is what it is that has somehow found it's way into the bio-molecular mechanics of my brain and is messing with my ability to convey to others that I do indeed care and that I am just getting frustrated not pushing towards the time of total annihilation of mankind because I typed the wrong key while using the wrong keystroke format for my blog program.  

This little type of problem is relevant to the topic of Love and Relations as the

need for communication and understanding of another way of learning, feeling and expressing may be misinterpreted as well as a failure to convey that the necessary tools to express the necessary mood or words of the moment are temporarily disallowed due to an error in our own functions as human beings.  I know it sounds  very cybernetic and technical but human intelligence and it's interrelationship with the various functions of the body are often amazingly similar to how our modern schematics might portray the central processing unit of our computers.  Times for maintenance  and careful inspection of the essential priorities of our life are a necessary requirement for us to become and maintain the value and trust that only a partnership can be through good communication and understanding of each other.  

I only know how to communicate two ways effectively.  I can talk to others in a community or lecture style conversation as long as I can't see them nor any cameras but have at least a reasonable suspicions for them to exist.  I know paranoid delusions....yeah, I can't even write about it, they just increase my medicine because I'm wrong....hard to believe I'm still single huh!

Yes, I fall back on my misdiagnosed disorder every time I feel that I can't handle another round of trying to tell the facts of my reality to another group of people either "hypothetical watchers", family, or my not so existent friends that I've long since stopped trusting because they contribute to the mass deception of my reality because they know I hate this!

This took a sharp turn from a small post revealing my awareness of a little tick in my brain about an "I don't care" comment into a venture to my paranoid virtual tour of hidden webtv and Albany network on me all day...all night!  Do I need help, no! Why?  To accomplish what?  I'm stuck in a place I can't be me unless I'm alone, and when alone, I'm always watched, and I can't be the person I want to be, because I'm desperate for a  woman that I never wanted to have to be stuck on this fucking show with me, and now can't ever see because of it, or because of me, I'm not sure.

I think I'm gonna be writing blogs about love a lot longer than I will ever be living in Love.  I can't break through that positive/negative barrier and it is still the thing I must do whether or not I am on camera or not....I must be who I am, and the fact is .....although I'm a little off the mark upstairs, I'm a better man loving my intended, the WOMAN of my dreams, than I am when I don't give myself to this passion, even if it is an obsession.

I hope I'm someday faced with a real opportunity to exit this show, or continue in the know by my own choice, but I doubt that I will ever know how to to live without loving the beauty of my my life and living through the pain that has helped mold me into the very man I once sought to be so long ago for this woman that still finds me unable to rouse to her challenge and I imagine always will if that is her end game.  I don't work like that.  I'm a man with conviction, passion, and anger; I get extremely jealous and the first rule I ever applied to myself is don't allow jealousy to rule my emotions so I don't act out in uncontrolled anger!  I don't fight...I become a fighting machine!  I just won't quit!  I have to turn aside lest I become a bigger problem than the woman who is trying to incite me to the chase and be the bravado I really hate.

Love,Romance & Passion @ www.believepassion.blogger.com posts belong to Zion Marion Amoure creator of IamZion.com ©2013

Love,Romance & Passion @ www.believepassion.blogger.com posts belong to Zion Marion Amoure creator of IamZion.com ©2013

Forlorn in Love, but still committed.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being let down by love!  It is something I never have thought possible until just recently and after a decade of waiting and choosing to be single rather than go a direction my heart isn't prepared to go I have held fast to the course that I pledged myself to long ago in hopes that someday Love would prove to be the greater power and preserver by bringing us together.  I have had to do this completely in the hope that my beloved would come to this conclusion within herself, because I refuse to be someone that follows, or makes a nuisance of himself by placing myself in her life, I refuse to be a stocker.  Slightly pathetic in an unreciprocated love is the most I'm willing to become in the negative stigmas of love-sickness.